Monday, April 14, 2008

When Hope is Lost

The man in a white coat launched into explanation while pointing into the images on screen. But it was as if what was happening was a scene in the movie with his dialogue completely muted up.

A wall was robotically erected to surround me from disenchantment again. I flashed a fake smile, determined not to ruin at least my composure.

Later on, as I walked briskly in the nearby clinic I clenched the result in my hands tightly. I couldn’t help but to look at the dark clouds that seemed to threaten of a brewing storm. If only I knew how to cuss maybe it would help to ease the tempest inside me. But it was one of those things I did not learn in my life.

I tried to compose instead a poem to forget but my effort was futile. Tears streamed down anyway and blended with the soft rain falling on my face. Great! Heaven knew the perfect timing when to cry with me.

As I sat on the couch in the clinic waiting for my turn, I tried to paint the ceiling with happy images. It was one of those things I enjoyed doing to cast away negative thoughts. The smileys on the ceiling with the words; “It’s good to smile” seemed to mock me while dancing on the wind.

As I stared later on at the doctor while she heaved long deep breaths after reading the results, I knew it says a lot about my dreaded news. I shrugged my shoulders completely resigned to my fate. After all, it was all too familiar…

When hope floats amidst the raging sea

Whipped ruthlessly by mammoth waves

Shrinking helplessly falling deeply

Swathed with dark foams

Embraced in malady.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Trisha's First Swimming Lesson

First of all, here's how you do it...

Dive into the water...

deep, deep down...

As in deeeeeepp...

Wow, that was hard!

But, I did it!


On my way to the deepest and the farthest part of the pool...

Wait coach, I'm thirsty and I need to drink water...(yuck!)

No!!!I'm're so cruel coach!

Let me hold that!!!

Mommy! You've got to help me.

Tita NiƱa, stop taking pictures! Help me!

I will report you to the police. I promise that!

Oh, it's not so bad after all.:)

I'm flying!!!opppsss...I mean I'm swimming.

Wait, somebody's stalking me...

Let me hide.

Ah, so refreshing. What a marvelous summer...:)

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Monday, April 07, 2008

Why You Should Keep a Positive Spirit

I vividly remember that summer of 2007. As I received the plaque of Recognition from the school where I taught before, I was plagued with indescribable emotions because of so many uncertainties that I was facing.

Though thankful for the countless feats I received during the school year, I was filled with sadness too because I was in dilemma of where my decision would bring me.

I can not count the times I heard the statement, “You are at the peak of your career and you will just go away?” In my heart, I feared that I made the biggest mistake in my life.

I was in my comfort zone already but some inevitable circumstances led me to such pronouncement of leaving everything behind. What was doubly hard was being far from my home and my friends for five years. Needless to say, it was the biggest decision I have ever made in my entire life.

It was worsened with my health condition. I haven’t completely accepted yet my fate leaving my old job I was already beseeched with series of unfortunate events that blackened my hope of a bright future.

It was the most horrible summer I had. I couldn’t appreciate the glow of the sun because each light being showered by its rays pierced my heart. The biggest joke that could ever happen to one’s life is being diagnosed with a grave illness and the possibility of dying anytime.

However, life is good.

As I looked at my niece this morning trudging her first step on the pool for her swimming lesson, I couldn’t help but to think of the time I was hesitant too in my first steps towards the new facet of my life.

I feel grateful that I have found the key…the key of hope which helped me unlock another path of my life. 

Things are going on smoothly nowadays and I am just simply bath with convivial glow of the bright future that awaits me.

After being “officially unemployed” for two days, I was hired immediately and I now have a new job. I’ll be working on my Master's degree soon and perhaps I’ll take some law subjects also to chase my dream of becoming a lawyer. Although classes have not yet started I am finally doing something worthwhile by having my driving lesson.

There are still many unopened doors for me but now that I have the key of hope, the promises are enormous. My steps are not diffident anymore knowing that life is just a series of unlocking doors of probabilities.

Life is indeed good. 

Saturday, April 05, 2008

The Dreamer's Dream

I know a dreamer... the young woman who holds the world in her hands. She has woven painstakingly her future- a wonderful one at that.

She built this grand wall around her that says, “I live in happiness, free from disenchantment, a world filled with roses.” Thus she laughs merrily and life has always gone off smoothly as she had planned.

In her vocabulary, the word “affliction” has no place. She defines the kind of life she lives. Her stars were always sparkling with gaiety and the rains were always that of tears of happiness. The skies her haven and the moon illumine the plethora of successes she seizes in her hands.

The dreamer is also a great believer of magic. The full spectrum of which can be seen by the way she handles things. The green verdant meadows her playground, the dragons of life will be slain by her knight and the occasional spell of solitude will be kissed away by her Prince.

One day, the storms came and threatened her world of dreams. The huge wall she built was whipped with the colossal wind and it sadly crumbled into pieces. The macabre tapestry of suffering, pain and disappointments which were just lurking all along scrambled to feast on her weakness.

It was a long battle against insanity and death of will to survive. The dreamer just found herself in a desolate chasm of endless pain. She was falling helplessly like Alice in Wonderland but there was no wonder in the bottomless hollow of darkness she plunged in.

Her soul was battered with a crushing blow and ended up torn into bitter pieces. Life lost its panorama of bright colors and what remained was the red helix wrapped in her heart wet with blood of pain.

In her grief- stricken heart, she walked in dazed with what once her haven of glorious dreams…bewildered and shoulder sagged like a little girl lost in the crowd.

However, after every storm the rainbow emerges to give hope. For the dreamer, it came in a perfect time…

The array of colors from the multihued arch gave her the strength of will to believe and hope that the wall she built will soon stand magnificently again. Indeed, it did.

Her broken heart was slowly healed and her future beamed that of limitless bright promises.

Hope is again within her grasp…happiness is in her heart.

Yet, the dreamer wiped her tears in silence. The Cinderella rescued by her prince charming from the dragon of torments is still collecting her broken pieces. Her stars are shining but the darkness that surrounds them is wider. She is lost like a little girl again…this time in the realm of dreams she fashioned with her hands.

The dreamer coiled in lonesomeness far from the haven of her rainbows. The music of her soul is inconsolable…again. 

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Friday, April 04, 2008

Ocean of Dreams

I walked barefooted 
On the cold white terrain 
The sand teased my skin 
With perplexing feeling. 

As if in stupor 
The gaze turned to the cloudless night 
The blaze of the stars burnt my eyes 
The barren heart was haunted. 

Hope is enervated 
Spirit is exhausted 
The world is empty 
Littleness hid in canopy. 

I stared at the specter 
Sad eyes, broken psyche 
Draw its fate in water 
Write its desire on sands. 

The beads of tears fell in water 
Vast sphere washed away melancholy 
Ember of suffering 
Unwittingly crushed. 

There in the farthest dot of the sea 
A tiny glimmer sparkles 
A faint glisten yet there 
The horizon where is thy dream. 


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