Monday, April 14, 2008

When Hope is Lost

The man in a white coat launched into explanation while pointing into the images on screen. But it was as if what was happening was a scene in the movie with his dialogue completely muted up.

A wall was robotically erected to surround me from disenchantment again. I flashed a fake smile, determined not to ruin at least my composure.

Later on, as I walked briskly in the nearby clinic I clenched the result in my hands tightly. I couldn’t help but to look at the dark clouds that seemed to threaten of a brewing storm. If only I knew how to cuss maybe it would help to ease the tempest inside me. But it was one of those things I did not learn in my life.

I tried to compose instead a poem to forget but my effort was futile. Tears streamed down anyway and blended with the soft rain falling on my face. Great! Heaven knew the perfect timing when to cry with me. 

As I sat on the couch in the clinic waiting for my turn, I tried to paint the ceiling with happy images. It was one of those things I enjoyed doing to cast away negative thoughts. The smileys on the ceiling with the words; “It’s good to smile” seemed to mock me while dancing on the wind.

As I stared later on at the doctor while she heaved long deep breaths after reading the results, I knew it says a lot about my dreaded news. I shrugged my shoulders completely resigned to my fate. After all, it was all too familiar…

When hope floats amidst the raging seaWhipped ruthlessly by mammoth wavesShrinking helplessly falling deeplySwathed with dark foamsEmbraced in malady. 





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8 comments:

  1. Ok, I admit it, I'm lost. I'm not sure if there's a part two coming to this story, or more likely, I'm an idiot and don't understand.

    Either way, I hope it turns out in a good light!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm hoping for the best for you. DO not lose hope.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Its easy for me to write a couple of encouraging words, but it might not be good to ease your difficult situation. I could feel the heavy burden that you carry, and as a friend, my wish is that you'll walk out safe and sound. Stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks Bobby. Some things are not just easy to express in words...:)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi Jade. Thanks a lot. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks Zunnur. Encouragement doesn't need to be in form of words sometimes.

    Thanks for your wishes and I do feel a lot better now...:)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Nina,
    I'm very glad that you're feeling better. I'm not sure what is the problem you're facing but I could feel it when I first came to your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi, Zunnur.

    Life is not perfect, that's why. Trials are all part of life. But, what is important is that we'll continue to live a life full of courage.

    Thanks again...

    ReplyDelete

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