A wall was robotically erected to surround me from disenchantment again. I flashed a fake smile, determined not to ruin at least my composure.
Later on, as I walked briskly in the nearby clinic I clenched the result in my hands tightly. I couldn’t help but to look at the dark clouds that seemed to threaten of a brewing storm. If only I knew how to cuss maybe it would help to ease the tempest inside me. But it was one of those things I did not learn in my life.
I tried to compose instead a poem to forget but my effort was futile. Tears streamed down anyway and blended with the soft rain falling on my face. Great! Heaven knew the perfect timing when to cry with me.
As I sat on the couch in the clinic waiting for my turn, I tried to paint the ceiling with happy images. It was one of those things I enjoyed doing to cast away negative thoughts. The smileys on the ceiling with the words; “It’s good to smile” seemed to mock me while dancing on the wind.
As I stared later on at the doctor while she heaved long deep breaths after reading the results, I knew it says a lot about my dreaded news. I shrugged my shoulders completely resigned to my fate. After all, it was all too familiar…
When hope floats amidst the raging sea
Whipped ruthlessly by mammoth waves
Shrinking helplessly falling deeply
Swathed with dark foams
Embraced in malady.