Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Why Do I Have Cancer?

“The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love, and to be greater than our suffering.”

Why do I have cancer? My husband and I have asked the same question over and over again and never really found the logical answer to the suffering that I am going through.

Someone suggested that I probably got it because I never gave birth to a baby. While that’s something to contemplate about, my journey as a breast cancer patient has brought me to many stories including of a mom who was diagnosed with breast cancer when her baby was only one year old. Another story is of my Physical Therapist who is a mom of five children and yet she was not spared from this illness. When I got a gift from an organization that provides support for breast cancer patients, not a single story features someone who never gave birth.

My genetic mutation cancer test also yielded a negative result which means I do not carry any genes that are attributed to breast cancer. 
Someone said maybe because of stress. Well, I work for myself and David has been a blessing as a husband so I don't know what would be the cause of stress.

Then, there’s my diet. I try to eat healthy foods all the time including fish, vegetables and fruits. While my husband and I do indulge with restaurant-cooked meals, it doesn’t happen every day. I exercise, I don’t ever drink alcohol, never ever tried drugs, and never ever smoked in my whole life.

Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain has been an intrinsic part of being diagnosed with breast cancer. In my quest for enlightenment to help me process what I am going through, Romans 5:3-4 clearly explicated the answers I have been seeking. “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Pain transforms you. After three surgeries, countless procedures, facing side effects of my chemotherapy, and a year of uncertainties, I have no adjectives to describe the pain that I have been going through. I take comfort with the knowledge that everything is under God’s hands. He knows where he’s bringing me and the salvation that awaits for me in the future.

While this affliction is a hard pill to swallow every day, I count my blessings the moment I open my eyes. I have a husband who selflessly cares for me, I have his family who has been giving us amazing support during this difficult time, I have my family though thousand miles away had been sending me love, prayers and comfort, our church has so many people sending their prayers and offering support, and my former students and countless friends all over the world had been sending me messages of support.

I know I might never find the exact answer that would fully conciliate my heart to be enlightened why I need to go through so much pain. But, this I know, if God brings me to this then He will see me through this.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

-John 16:33

teacher wanderer


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