Saturday, December 01, 2007

Remembering Faded Memories

The other day while watching my nieces have their hair treatment at David's salon, I busied myself mulling over the series of events that catapulted me into my current role- that of a doting aunt.

Without much regrets really. After all, I enjoy being with two pretty girls though at times they could be a real toughie in the head.

Sometimes it made me wonder though what happened to my five- year teaching stint. Was it for real?

Don't get me wrong. I haven't forgotten for a single second. There were too many precious memories to think of. However, with so many things that happened in barely seven months, it sorts of clouded my mind.

Sometimes I do find myself drowned in tears begging paled memoir not to leave. I tried to hold on tight but my grasp seemed not taut enough. You see, life's journey led me to a completely different path.

I once had a simple life or would it be apt to say a complex but uncomplicated life? My day usually starts at 5 am then before going to school I would drop off San Francisco church to say a short prayer. That was every morning and I never missed a day without doing it.

I would then have my regular classes and break times are usually spent in front of the computer in my office. My "real" break was only during lunch where I got to eat in the school canteen with my friends. Time in school usually ends at 6-6:30 p.m.

Sleeping time varied depending on the deadlines I'm trying to beat. At times, I would drift off to sleep at 10 pm but most of the times around 1-2 a.m. Social life was only the regular parties in the school.

Now, I find myself in entirely unusual situation. My day starts at 10-11 a.m. (depends what time the medicines would wear off) and ends as early as 9 p.m. The description of my work includes simple tutoring and attending school functions of my two nieces. Pretty challenging, right?

Oh, well it doesn't end there. You see, I mastered also how to reduce children's fever and memorized more or less medicines for kids.

The beauty of it all I guess is that finally I've been doing my first love- that is writing. I shoved it off for quite a long time because I was so career-driven. I do love teaching but my first love is really writing. Now, I could say I am more purpose-driven.

When I came face to face with a life-changing event in my life, I also found myself amidst swirling questions which led me to astounding realizations that there's one part of my life that I haven't satisfied yet-and that is fulfilling my real love in writing.

Notwithstanding my current complicated life because of going back and forth to the hospital, I am thankful for the opportunity to finally do what I should have done for such a long time now. Without the tedious pressure that haunted me everyday of my life, I'm finally chasing my ultimate dream.

I'm not really crazy to think that I'll be in the big time but I guess just to do something about my dream is more than enough now.

On the other hand, I do miss teaching. Every moment that I spent there was full of bittersweet memories. There was this occasional losing myself fuming in anger but then there was also moment where I found myself swelling with pride and love to innocent little beings.

My life now is quite far fetched than what it was before. But even if the memories of yesterdays have started to be vague, I continue to chase it. The faded memories lit up that tiny hope in my heart and flared up by the unconditional love of those whom I left behind.

The tears and laughter would remain in my heart albeit of faded won't end up wilted rose.


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