Monday, April 29, 2024

What I Do When My Heart is Anxious

Today, I have this unsettling grip of anxiety. It's that restless stirring in the depths of my being, a feeling that something isn't quite right but I can't quite pinpoint the cause. It's as though my heart is speaking a language my mind struggles to comprehend.

Anxiety is a formidable opponent, its origins sometimes shrouded in mystery. Yet, its effects are tangible, casting shadows over our thoughts and coloring our perceptions. When the heart is anxious, it can feel like navigating a stormy sea without a compass, unsure of which direction to take or how to find calm waters.

Ever since my cancer battle, I've often found myself in this place of uncertainty, where the fear emanates from deep within, a primal instinct that refuses to be silenced by reason alone. In those moments, it's easy to feel overwhelmed, to succumb to the torrent of worry and doubt. I try to convince myself that it is just the side effect of my medication, but my brain can't rationalize reasons.

However, I've also discovered that amidst the chaos of anxiety, there exists a quiet strength which emanates from my faith.

Faith is not the absence of fear but the courage to face it head-on, knowing that I am not alone in my struggles. It's the unwavering belief that there is a greater purpose to what is happening with me.

When my heart is anxious, I turn to faith as my anchor, grounding me in the certainty that I have my husband to depend on, regardless of the storms raging within me. I find solace in prayer, surrendering my fears to a higher power and trusting in the wisdom of divine providence.

What I learn is that it's important to extend grace to myself, acknowledging that it's okay not to have all the answers, to stumble and fall along the way. For faith is not a destination but a journey—a winding path of self-discovery and growth, marked by moments of both triumph and great loss.

May you find peace in the midst of your anxious heart, and may your faith be a beacon of hope in the days ahead.

Praying Psalm 91 helps me a lot when my heart is anxious.

Saturday, April 27, 2024

Pulling the Weeds of Doubt and Embracing Life's Uncertainties

In the garden of life, we often find ourselves tending to more than just flowers and greenery. We grapple with the stubborn weeds of doubt, anxiety, and fear, their roots digging deep into the soil of our souls. But amidst life's uncertainties, there lies a powerful truth: trust in the process and have faith in something greater than ourselves.

As a cancer survivor, I've learned firsthand the importance of pulling these weeds and nurturing the seeds of faith within me. Each day was a battle, not just against the physical ailment, but against the doubts that threatened to choke out hope. But through the darkness, I discovered a resilience I never knew I possessed—a strength born from facing the storm head-on and emerging on the other side, battered but unbroken.

Life after cancer is a journey fraught with its own uncertainties. The fear of recurrence, the anxiety of the unknown, the side effects of taking medication—these are weeds that can quickly overrun the garden of our minds if left unchecked. But I refuse to let them dictate the course of my life. Instead, I choose to trust in something greater than myself—to surrender to the divine plan that unfolds before me.

Just as a gardener tends to their plants with care and patience, so too must we tend to our spirits. We must cultivate an unwavering trust in God, knowing that even in the face of uncertainty, we are held in the palm of His hand. It's a process that requires faith, but one that yields a bountiful harvest of peace and contentment.

So, let us embrace life's uncertainties with courage and conviction. Let us pull the weeds of doubt and fear, replacing them with seeds of hope and trust. And may we, like the flowers in a well-tended garden, bloom with resilience and grace, strengthened by the trials we've faced and emboldened to face whatever lies ahead.

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