I am sick…yeah, right. I got infected with bugs.
My throat hurts, my eyes are red and watery, my feet are cold and clammy and practically all the cells of my body are throbbing with pain.
By mid- afternoon yesterday, my fever was 39.5 degree Celsius that I felt like my skin was being pierced with hot needles. I was reminded of the exact feelings I had right after my surgery last June. When another bag of blood for transfusion was attached to one of my IV’s, I felt like the pain skyrocketed when my fever broke to 40 degree Celsius.
It was a long battle with countless injections for skin tests and later on being administered with antibiotics thru endless needle pricks. I was shaking uncontrollably that I thought it would be my end already. Well, thankfully I survived.
My only consolation yesterday was I didn’t go through the same torment with endless shots from nurses and doctors. I wrapped myself with double comforter and took lots of fluids to help my aching throat then finally I drifted off to sleep.
The fever was on and off that I succumbed again to self- pitying.
After sleeping for almost the whole afternoon, I woke up still feeling worst. My eyes were so red that I got scared staring at them. The power of the almighty bugs…
When the girls arrived from school, I could hardly talk because my voice sounded like a croaking crow. Yeah, that bad.
I opted to stay in the room and ate there my dinner. Well, I could hardly swallow the food. Everything tasted like medicine…and I abhor it because it has been my companion for many months now.
My whole system crumbled that it feels like I’m falling again in a shady crater of pain and agony. So bad…
Like a good patient that I am, I avoided computer for as long as I could so as not to cause too much strain with my red eyes. I was able to bear ignoring the computer only the whole day yesterday and last night. That explains why I wasn't able to write anything for the blog.
However, it seems like the lure of computer is so strong that here I am again hitting the keyboard with all my might.
I missed Friendster, Blogspot, Bloglogs, Infowars, and other sites. So, I’m trying another medication now…the “drugnet” of the cyberspace. Maybe it’ll do the magic of healing.
Kidding aside, the past days felt like a horrible nightmare. My whole body was aching and in deep longing to be healed. In addition, the purplish bruise on my arm which was the result of regular laboratory tests the other day was also shouting for my attention.
I squirted fountain of virus all over the room by endless sneezing. So you could just imagine how painful my throat was with the efforts I needed to exert in spraying the power of the bugs. They owe me a lot for this.
Getting sick usually brings me this unspeakable desperation for being indisposed. I loathe the feeling of being unproductive…not that I am really prolific now. After all, I’ve been out of work for many months already after getting seriously ill early last year.
I hope the reign of the bugs won’t last for long. I can only sustain their clout for a short time. They didn’t give me a notice before invading my body…
Just like everything that happened in my life, this illness is beyond my control. It only proves that I am human…I can’t tell what will happen next in my future.
Let it be…the sun will shine soon and bath me with a new dawn of a healthy life.
My six-year-old niece was grief-stricken…
It was barely two weeks since I last saw her weeping like it’s already the end of Cartoon Network. That’s the time that she was nursing a broken heart because of breaking up with her puppy love, six-year-old Kurt.
It took me one hour in the church before I finished explaining everything she needed to know about love and relationship. By the end of the mass that fateful Sunday, we agreed that she’ll have her next boyfriend at the age of 30.
Last night, another pivotal event happened in her life. You see, she lost something very significant. So special that the dam of tears burst out until such time I feared that the entire house might be flooded already.
She lost for the second time her front tooth. Have a glimpse…
Her agony started around 3 p.m. in the afternoon after eating her favorite chocolates. The tooth dangled loose but she wouldn’t let anybody touch it. Finally by dinner time, her precious tooth gave up and was detached permanently.
She was sobbing frenziedly and mumbling incoherently while wrapping her dear tooth in a paper. For a very long time she was in grave mourning that I didn’t know how to console her sorrowful heart.
Finally, she fell asleep with tears trickling down her cheeks. I thought she’ll wake up feeling much better but I was wrong.
She woke up hunting for her tooth which unfortunately was incidentally thrown out by the helper. The dam of tears opened up again until such time her mom called in the phone to listen to her endless rambling of the pitiful tooth.
Later on, I needed to use my stock knowledge of convincing power in persuading her to go to school with the missing tooth in front. Shayne wasn’t much of a help. She made the matter worst with nonstop teases by making funny faces.
When she arrived this afternoon, she was the same Trisha. Laughing uproariously and dancing wildly while imitating the Kung Fu kids in the TV.
As I pondered this evening what happened to Trisha, I couldn’t help but to wonder how many of us suffered like her because of losing something very dear in our heart.
For her, the only outlet of pain she knows is crying. As we grow old, we look up at crying as a sign of weakness not of healing.
After long bawling, Trisha ended up relieved with anguish. For grown ups, we seldom lose something without being painfully scarred. Could it be because we have a tendency to forget that everything is ephemeral? Nothing lasts forever… only change remains the same.
How I wish that each one of us would be left with some child like credence in our hearts…that stance where we can let go after one last cry…
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On the left corner wearing white bugs bunny shirt and shorts, I.Q. 1000 (I just guessed coz she talks and reasons out like a 60 year-old woman and she’s the only six-year-old girl I know who can spell words with closed eyes, watches CNN news and very interested in politics), the next president of the Philippines, smart aleck number one…Trisha.
On the right corner wearing pink blouse and tight leggings, computer and IPOD addict, certified “friends” with her countless contact in Friendster, Toni Gonzaga fanatic, the next top model in town, smart aleck number two…Shayne.
Yesterday was such a long day for me. I mean really looooooong. Why? It was the Bugs’ Day.
The two kids bugged me the whole day and drove me on the verge of insanity with their bantering of words, sticking out of tongues and endless squabbles.
With their running nose because of bad cough and colds, the two brawled like cat and dog. Now, could it be because they were being attacked with cold bugs that made them uncontrollable yesterday?
I really have no idea but I knew that I was about to strangle them with my bare hands many times. I implored all the help of the countless saints I knew by begging for their mercy to grant me the endurance I needed to last the day.
Trisha pestered Shayne with her funny faces and her roaring laughter. Shayne on the other hand irritated Trisha by teasing her with her missing front tooth. Both good in annoying each other with anything (and I mean everything) that they could think of just for the sake of making each other ill-tempered.
Ending? Each one would come to me asking me to reprimand whoever.
The time to hear mass finally came (Thank God!). The two excitedly prepared and dressed while making fun with each other.
In the church, I was expecting them to be quiet just like they usually do whenever we hear mass. However, it wasn’t the end yet of my misery.
I was in between of them but they would glance at each other to make funny faces. Shayne would make fun of Trisha’s hair while Trisha would imitate the odd way Shayne sits. They would mumble incorrigible words still irking each other.
In addition, Trisha would look around the church looking for her ex- boyfriend. (She’s the only kid that I only know too who had a boyfriend at six and broken hearted after a week.)
As the mass came to an end, the bugs’ adrenaline finally wears off. Shayne's head was on my right shoulder while Trisha’s was on my left.
Finally, my angels were back…(sighs)
How did I survive? Simple…thousands of inhales and exhales. The result? Long tolerance. After all, patience is a virtue.
(Note: Shayne and Trisha are both my nieces entrusted under my care by their parents)
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A friend recently asked me, “If you are not a teacher now, what do you think will be your profession?”
Now, it transported me into the world of deep musings…
Teaching was not my ambition in life. I always wanted to be a lawyer but got discouraged many times because as one of my sisters candidly put it, I’ll never win a case since I never won an argument with her.
So, how did I become a teacher?
Turning back my gaze to the past, I remember that I toyed with the idea of becoming a dancer… don’t react too soon.
I was in third grade when I was chosen to be one of the dancers in a number presented during the closing ceremony of the school year. I thought I was good enough in dancing only to find out later that my father talked to our teacher to include me if my sister would also be included to avoid sibling rivalry.
Well, had I known then I won’t be on stage making a fool of myself. My classmates told me though that I wasn’t really that bad, thanks for that.
That experience was never repeated except occasional field demonstration where everybody was required to dance and of course when I started teaching.
It might be hard to admit but finally after many years of dreaming I have accepted that dancing wasn’t just really for me considering my stiff body movement. (More of like a robot)
What about singing? Well, I did dream of being a singer too. But then again, I have observed that dogs started howling whenever I open my mouth to sing. Am I that bad really? It’s hard to tell because I became a member of the choir when I was in elementary and even competed when I was in high school.
We even won outside of school competitions. But, to be honest it was only that I didn’t open much my mouth so as not to let my teachers hear my voice because I wanted so bad to be part of the group. Luckily, the choir mentor in high school didn’t make a big fuss out of it because I was one of the top in class and I needed badly co-curricular activities.
My career in singing ended right there and then in high school. My colleagues cajoled and prodded me many times to sing during programs but I was old enough to realize that singing was not just really for me.
It’s that public speaking which I have tried since elementary that always popped out every now and then. I won a number of awards and even became a member of the college debate team.
However, even that I feel like I was not good enough. My confident is very strong when I don’t know the crowd but it dies out the moment I talk with familiar crowd.
So, I followed my sister’s advice to take up education with the hope of pursuing further education in law after I graduate.
Conversely, I enjoyed too much teaching that I have totally forgotten taking up degree in law. I’m thankful though. I know that it’s not meant for me and it wasn’t my calling.
My past experiences molded me to what I am now. I can’t dance but I can supervise practices of my pupils in dancing. I can’t sing but I can sing enough to amuse them during classroom discussion. I can’t argue but I can explain things enough for my pupils to understand daily lessons.
You see, it doesn’t really matter what my dreams were before. What matters now is that I have found my right calling. Oh, I forgot…I was never good in writing. I never won a single award back when I was still studying and it was my greatest frustration.
The path I have trekked maybe brought me where am I now because I no longer remain frustrated. I never won an award so that I would push through to be better. I didn’t become a great writer but I did become a winning coach of great writers.
Need I say more? I have found my perfect profession. Maybe I won’t be a teacher forever but I know that I would forever be thankful that once in my life I became one…
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I was six years old when I first heard the word people power, too young to fully grasp what it means but the memories poignant that I can still vividly remember.
I knew that it was the day liberty was given back to the people after suffering for a long time from the hands of tyrannical Marcos regime wherein martial law was implemented.
It was in a news magazine, Reporter, which I first saw the pictures of Edsa People Power 1 that toppled the oppressive government of Marcos. Former President Cory Aquino was in the front page surrounded by millions of Filipinos.
Men and women including children from all walks of life filled the streets…soldiers and priests holding hands and nuns clasping tightly their rosaries…all marched for truth and freedom…amidst the threat of bullets to silence the truth. It was the time that Filipinos astounded the whole world with the courage to end a cruel administration thru a peaceful revolution.
It also became the inspiration of the second uprising against government’s suppression of the truth. I was in college when for the first time I joined a peaceful revolt in the street. My fervor to be part of the rally was fueled with anger when again the country was tainted with corruption and never-ending list of dirt in the government.
I have monitored closely the impeachment trial then hoping that the truth would come out about the alleged ill- gotten wealth of former President Joseph Estrada. My idealism with regard to the system was ruined when the law makers themselves tried to hide the truth.
The envelope containing the evidences against him was forever sealed when his allies voted not to open it. It was the start of rebellion that ousted him from office. It was a sweet victory knowing that I became part of history which freed Juan Dela Cruz from that kind of leadership.
Many years later, Estrada was arrested and imprisoned (house arrest in a comfortable house) and not long after his life sentence for plunder, he was granted presidential pardon. Now, is that what we call justice? You tell me…
On February 26, the country will commemorate the 22nd anniversary of Edsa People Power 1. A very long time since freedom was reclaimed…
Apparently, with the current situation now of the country, Filipinos are in turmoil again…for the umpteenth times. The administration is facing numerous scandals which many are predicting would be the end of Arroyo government.
As the whole country venerate the time of liberation from the iron hand of Marcos regime, many are plotting the People Power 3. Another revolt to topple the present government…
Freedom and unity has been the main theme of the People Power 1 while healing was given emphasis in the People Power 2. If indeed the plan to overthrow the current regime succeeds, what would be the focus?
Healing, I believe should begin with freedom and unity. With the turmoil we are facing now it’s obvious that we were never healed with the wounds of the past. It continued to haunt us which disintegrates our hope for change.
How then can we make the remnants of the past become the hope of our future? How many revolts more do we need for us to learn? Do we need to have the third people power? Or maybe fourth? Fifth? Endless search for peace and truth…
I am no longer the innocent six-year-old kid during the Edsa People Power 1. I’ve grown and have been a silent witness of how leaders governed the political arena. I am 28 and my idealism was contaminated with corruption, bribery, and countless filth by the system…hope for change is still elusive but my love for my country remains.
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