Today, I Failed

“The Phoenix must burn to emerge.” 

– Janet Fitch

The news was disheartening and perhaps, inevitable. Somehow, I had that notion of failure even before it came crashing on me. I worked so hard. Countless hours, in fact. Day and night, I worked laboriously unmindful of rewards. All that I wanted was to get a glimpse of success. Yet, none of it matters anymore. I failed.

The news however, only created that fire burning inside me to work even harder convincing myself that failure is not an indication of permanence. If my way did not work, that means I need to find another one that would work. Life is a series of disappointments, pains and hindrances. But, life is also a string of hope and success.

A friend once told me that once we hit rock bottom, there is no way but up. When I first heard the news, I felt worthless leveraging my skills that amounted to nothing. It was gut-sinking and terrifying but I had no choice but to face the truth- starting from nothing.

In hindsight, failure catapulted me into realization that the world is not so rosy but I can parlay the pain info future gains. Instead of sulking and trying to lick my wounds, I need to work even harder to maximize the probability of success. I failed but it does not mean the end. Failure in essence just made me internalize from the deepest recesses of my soul to examine the raw pain and find ways not to get on downward spiral which could harm myself more.

I failed. I understand that I am in pain. I acknowledge my vulnerability. But, I take the challenge to succeed by failing.

I got this.

“When you take risks, you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” 

–Ellen DeGeneres- 

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The Eyes that See the Best of Everything

The world is often dark. The reality is accentuated with the fact that more often than not, you are bombarded in social media with cruel, merciless, and nonsense posts. I do wonder, what is there to hope for?

The feeling of isolation is more potent than ever. Despite of what the technology has done to connect people around the globe, we still live in a really lonely world. We become more concerned of being ‘RIGHT’ than being ‘HEARD’. We desire for instant gratification by ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ on our posts than finding genuine happiness. We become judgmental without hearing facts because of how easy it is to do that instead of engaging in intelligent discourse. The world needs less anger, resentment, and negativity. We need the eyes that see the best of everything.

With all these less than optimal feelings, I take comfort with what Martin Luther says, “Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” Sometimes we need to walk through the dark in order to see the light. It may be cloudy now but there’s a silver lining along the way.

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The Best of 2018

Just like that, 365 days of 2018 is over. The journey was both internal and external, finding the validation that life is indeed embarking in the unknown. Despite of my infallibility, I survived the challenges and the stark contrast of what I got so used to for many years- finding myself invariably failing over and over again. There were many moments that I questioned my worth and my confidence. Yet, my traverse is not defined solely by these deterrents. The trails of disappointments were long but the positivity is longer. Hence, let me reminisce the best memories to cap the year 2018.

1. Celebrated the Valentine’s Day at Grand Rapids

This trip allowed me to learn more about United States by visiting Gerald Ford Museum. The night stroll with my husband made it more memorable.

2. 3rd Anniversary Celebration at Chicago

We explored so many places together but we love the Adler Planetarium and the
Millennium Park.

3. Travel to New York

The sight of the Liberty State Park was so surreal. I could not believe that I finally saw it in person.

4. Met a Very Special Friend at Philadelphia

The highlight of my year. I have not seen her for almost seven years. Ours is an attestation that friendship will always be a special bond of two people who cared deeply about each other.

5. Birthday Celebration at Niagara Falls (Canada Side)

We were exhausted after several days of being on the road but the experience was amazing. Niagara Falls is beautiful beyond explanation!

6. River Tubing Adventure at Ludington State Park

What made this adventure special was not the tubing itself but swimming in the Big Lake with the waves higher than us. It was scary but at the same time an exciting experience.

7. Travel to the Most Beautiful Place in United States (Sleeping Bear Dunes)

I found the inner peace on this place. The place was nothing that I have seen in person. It was majestic and filled me with tranquility.

8. Fall Camping at Ludington State Park

The colors were beautiful and the company was special. We love the friendship and relationship made deeper by this trip. It was also my first time to stay in a camper!

9. Celebrated New Year with My Husband

New Year with my husband. He is the best gift that I could ever receive.

Cliché as it may seem, life is a journey. What happens along the way, the pains and disappointments, the gift of faith and hope, the crooked lines, the rocks and the mountains that blind you, they shape you and at the end and you will never be the same.

Cheers to the new year, fresh hope, more roads to traverse, and stronger FAITH. 

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Beautiful Autumn in Michigan

"Autumn... the year's last, loveliest smile." - William Cullen Bryant 

Autumn allows us to enjoy a day through a kaleidoscope of quaint foliage. The sceneries are adorned with vibrant yellows, red and auburn leaves. Michigan is one of the states that you should travel during this season. With miles and miles of picturesque vistas, Michigan was declared by Nikon, the camera company, as the best state to take pictures of Fall colors.

This photo essay enriched with quotes will give you a glimpse of the beauty of Michigan during Autumn.

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers." 

- L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables 

“Two sounds of autumn are unmistakable…the hurrying rustle of crisp leaves blown along the street…by a gusty wind, and the gabble of a flock of migrating geese.” 

-Hal Borland- 

“And the sun took a step back, the leaves lulled themselves to sleep and autumn was awakened.” -Raquel Franco- 

"I can smell autumn dancing in the breeze. The sweet chill of pumpkin, and crisp sunburnt leaves." -Ann Drake- 

"Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all." - Stanley Horowitz 

 

"How beautiful the leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days.” -John Burroughs- 

“I hope I can be the autumn leaf, who looked at the sky and lived. And when it was time to leave, gracefully it knew life was a gift.”

“The heart of autumn must have broken here, and poured its treasure upon the leaves.”-Charlotte Bates- 

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower." 

- Albert Camus 

"Delicious autumn! My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns." 

- George Eliot 

“If a year was tucked inside of a clock, then autumn would be the magic hour." Victoria Erickson- 

"How beautifully leaves grow old. How full of light and color are their last days." 

- John Burroughs 

“Autumn is the mellower season, and what we lose in flowers we more than gain in fruits.” -Samuel Butler- 

"Fall has always been my favorite season. The time when everything bursts with its last beauty, as if nature had been saving up all year for the grand finale." 

- Lauren Destefano- 

"Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall."- F. Scott Fitzgerald- 

"Every leaf speaks bliss to me, fluttering from the autumn tree." 

- Emily Brontë- 

My Ghost Encounter Story; A Chilling Experience

My childhood was predominantly filled with memories of my mother’s ancestral house. Mostly, it is because of the stories told by my grandfather about World War II and Bigfoot. But, those were not the memories that were imprinted in the deepest recesses of my mind. It was the one night that I chose to bury in the memory of a nine-year-old.

The old house must have been a little more than glorified but I looked at it as the giant that was looming to swallow me. I had no idea how many rooms but it was so huge that there were murals on the walls. The designs of the tables and chairs were so intricate that I used to pretend that they were castles of my dolls. In fact, you might find yourself easily lost in the convolution of dark corridors and towering walls and ceilings. There were two levels and I remember holding on tightly to the staircase railing fearing to fall down. It was perhaps one of the biggest in the town during that time.

The house was also my magical escape whenever carnival opens right in front of it during fiesta celebration. I would sit in the balcony and despite of my littleness, I felt like I could almost touch the people in the ferris wheel. Perhaps, that was the enticement that convinced me to sleep in the house that night without my sisters.

That was the second week of June, just a few weeks after my grandfather was buried and my grandmother was left alone in the big house. Since my grandfather died, my mother had been bribing us just to accompany my grandmother. We were all scared so nobody really wanted to sleep there.

That night, I could not remember how I ended up being alone with my grandmother. I tried to forget as much as I could the details of that fateful night hoping that it would change the course of what I experienced. The realm of ghost stories is not something I would want to dwell on.

I remember my father coming over to see me around 10:00 at night with a bag of chips. He told me before he left to go up in my grandmother’s room and try to sleep since I had school the following day. My grandmother would follow me upstairs once she’s done closing the store. The first floor of the house was converted into a variety store when my grandfather passed away.

Me with my grandmother, mother, sisters, brother, cousin and aunt.

I decided to eat the chips on the bed while waiting for my grandmother in the room. I was halfway done when I felt this tingling feeling arising on the back of my neck, and my whole body went cold. A hand was on my left leg. A very cold one with an airy feel on it. I put down the bag of chips, looked around in the dark and saw nothing. The huge cabinets with mirrors in front towered me but I saw nothing. The room has two doors but they were both closed. I was wearing shorts so I grabbed the sheet and covered my legs. I tried to shout but nothing would come out. No windows were open so there was no source of wind or anything. After I covered my leg, I felt it again. A hand, as cold as an ice with an airy feel on it was on my arm. I tried another scream but nothing came out. I was frozen and I could not even cry. I covered my whole body and buried my face on the pillow. Still, no sound would come out. Then, I felt it again at the back of my neck. Still, I could not scream. It felt like an eternity before my grandmother came to sleep beside me. I could not talk so I pretended to be sleeping and covered my whole body with the blanket.

How I fell asleep or how I managed to walk out of the room the following day was not clear to me. I think it was collective reluctance that blurred most of what happened that night. As a child, you are in charge of your imagination but one thing I was certain, what happened was not just a figment of my imagination. I remembered being back home, staring at the space while my father and mother were trying to find out what happened. I don’t think I said anything but there was an unexplainable huge purplish bruise on my leg and arm.

That house was long gone. It was sold when my grandmother died and the new owner built a new one. Sometimes, I try to convince myself it was just an imagination. But, I find myself holding an ice for as long as I can, feel my cold hand, and as always I am reminded that it did happen. That no matter how much I bury the memory of a nine-year-old, that night happened. And I feel scared again and I tremble in fear.


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