Saturday, February 23, 2008

Unwanted Angels

Cradling his tiny body, caressing his soft skin, watching his first step, and singing lullabies as he lays asleep…the profound joy of motherhood.

Every woman’s dream is to have her own progeny- the real essence of being in existence. A small being wrapped in untold elation that enfolds the heart of a mother…

Those innocent smiles enough to lit up a house, the invisible halos that touched the deepest core of a mother’s soul are just some of a woman’s reverie.

Yet, it’s a paradox how an angel could be referred to as “unwanted”. The innocent beings who are supposed to be gifts from above turned out a burden and a dilemma.


I cringe whenever I watch news about babies thrown like a piece of garbage in the trash can. There was this fetus found in the pile of rubbish, a baby left in a corner of a church, a little girl killed by her own father, and other endless stories of cruelty to children.

They are called as “unwanted” when their moms are unwed before birth or when the family is too large that having them means additional mouth to feed. They are unplanned and therefore unwelcome.

Some are lucky enough to finish the ninth month in their mother’s womb. Others are not and lives were taken even before those tiny limbs and hearts developed. Their moan of anguished inside were silence with a piece of instrument.

Their death served as a catalyst of survival for those young mothers who are ill-equipped for “unwanted” babies.

As these people made an evil scheme of ending the innocent life of their own flesh and blood, are they aware that there are souls out there praying and hoping for them to have their own angels yet incapacitated to do so?

It’s ironic that those who can afford and are educated enough to give a good future to their children are also those who are not lucky enough to be given their own gift.

Life is a mystery that one should continue to unravel everyday. There’s a reason and a purpose for everything…

Could it be that a tiny soul is somewhere out there hoping and praying to be saved by a stranger’s maternal heart because his own mother can not do it for him?

As I said it’s a mystery…one that I intend to find out as I continue my journey… 

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Beauty of Suffering

"When agony flood thy soul, look up and let the sun rays cleanse your whole being"


The rain fell in a ceaseless bone- jarring torrent. The deafening sound muffled my weeping as I allowed my grief-stricken heart bled through my tears. I was consumed with deep lamentation as I thought of my future- immediate death or long excruciating death. 

Sorrow, fear, dread, anguish, and blinding pain emotionally and physically rocked my body with helplessness as huge rivulet of tears cascaded on my face. My hope, faith and happiness experienced a grand avalanche.

 I felt so small and vulnerable as I gritted my teeth and clasped my hands to try to hold on. Until finally, I stopped… not because I felt better but because none were left to shed anymore. My heart ached with unfathomable emptiness as I fell in bottomless dark hollow of loneliness...



It was the time I suffered SUFFERING.

Years passed after that fateful afternoon. Due to my weak condition, the road to recovery was long and arduous- almost like a miracle.

Time crept by and slowly; I had recuperated. It’s still a wonder how I survived that ordeal. Staring at my scars brought by my illness filled me with wonder how I made it through the yonder desolate chasm of the cruel storm that beseeched my way.

The blemishes on my body seemed like a badge of valour for the courage that gave me the will to survive. The wound in my heart whence life’s sweetness reside was finally healed.

Suffering is an emotional state accompanied by negative emotions and severe pain. It usually threatens one’s sanity and without justice causes irreparable injury.

A famous Philosopher once said, “Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind.”

What is the beauty of suffering?

As for me, the beauty of suffering was affirmed later on after wrestling with gut- wrenching pain good things came my way and finally, I unwrapped the gift of joy.

It was that unexplainable feeling as I woke up each morning suffused with a new dawn of hope. From its vine, the kindling of bliss sprouted.

It was finally falling asleep without fear, filled with faith that when tomorrow comes, I would still be able to feel the scorching heat of the sun on my skin, to touch the mist of the budding flowers, and to look up at the vast horizon of skies.

Character could not be developed without any complexity. Only through occurrence of suffering and experiencing it in full we can be healed. The upturn felt being enfolded like a plaintive song, the source unknown yet the comfort potent.

The most salient message of suffering is when the purpose is finally articulated. When the realization hit that even the gravest of all afflictions has its reason.

I have suffered through long losing streak of endless cruel jokes but the beauty of it finally enfolded my heart. The purpose was finally uttered to me…that with the permanent scars I have endured I will be an inspiration to those who fell but could not find the courage to stand.

Fight. 


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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Saddest Poem

Inexplicable dejection hugs thy blissful spirit 
Something intense gape a void, it cries out 
A longing? A yearning? A profound hunger? 
My heart was cradled in an empty space. 


A need so immense eyes filled with glumness 
Days become breathless with reminiscences 
Love songs bring sweet tears of wishes 
In dreams, warmth of breath the soul was comforted.

Monday, February 18, 2008

The Weather and Politics

The wind was howling the whole day as if there’s a typhoon brewing. There’s not much difference really with the current situation in the political arena of the country. A storm is looming that could either damage or totally wrecked the Arroyo administration.

For the past few days, the news has been dominated with the controversy of the ZTE Broadband deal. Left and right allegations were made by star witness Jun Lozada after his supposedly abduction from the airport.


The scenario now was similar before former President Estrada was finally ousted from the office several years ago. I was still in college back then when protests from all walks of life were organized including that of Religious sectors. It was a havoc that rooted from corruption and greed.

The ZTE Broadband deal has created such a chaos which I’m sure even the president herself did not foresee.

It was months ago when an expose’ was made in the newspaper of the allegedly over priced national broadband deal. Big names of politicians and government officials got messed up including that of the first couple.

Kickbacks, bribery and cover-ups tainted names and even forced Comelec Chairman Benjamin Abalos to resign and the closest ally of the president, Cong. Jose De Venecia to withdraw his support from the government. His son, Joey De Venecia told the public that the first gentleman threatened him to “back off” from the deal.

It quieted down for a moment but got fueled up again when Jun Lozada emerged after being silent for such a long time shedding some light about the mystery surrounding the said multi-million-dollar deal.

It’s a sobering discovery that Juan Dela Cruz’ hard-earned money will end up paying international debts because of over- priced deals like this. Where is our country heading again?

With mass actions out there in the streets shouting for truth and accountability, what future awaits us?

Investigations are going on in the Senate and Ombudsman and soon DOJ will also launch their own inquiry. But, until when are we going to be besieged with this hullabaloo?

I admire Jun Lozada’s courage to speak of the truth even if it means putting the name of his close friend, Sec. Neri, in trouble. According to him, Neri called the president “evil”. Neri did not deny nor confirm this statement during the press con called by MalacaƱang palace.

Lozada’s sincerity was questioned by some because as they say it seems so theatrical. From the melodramatic entrance in the arena with the aid of brothers and nuns from La Salle and the endless burst of crying for the whole country to see seemed like so unprecedented.

Just something to ponder, how can he afford being a member of the golf club which according to the media the playing rights alone costs 325, 000 already?

Are we going to have the Edsa Power again for the umpteenth times? Is Jun Lozada a real hero or just a pawn of the political war of those in power?

I wish him good luck and may he find the strength to continue this fight. After all, this is not his sole battle but of the whole country seeking for truth and accountability.

A message to all government officials guilty of corruption, moderate your greed. 

Sunday, February 17, 2008

How My Friend Let Go

Goodbye is synonymous to grief. Uttering this word means opening one’s heart to gut-wrenching pain and fountain of tears.

It’s a bit disheartening whenever I hear sad stories of love that did not end in happily ever after. More so when it happens to people close to your heart just like what a friend experienced today…

She has been in a relationship for so many times that I couldn’t remember anymore the names of her boyfriend. The old maxim, “Collect and collect and later on select”, must be her guiding philosophy in life.


Surprisingly, the moment she told me about her latest beau, I knew that she was truly madly deeply in love with him. She said that they were perfect for each other and everything that she wanted in a man was already with him.

However, temptations are tough to fight at times. She went on with her old ways and continued looking for somebody better than him.

Sometimes, in our desperate attempt to look for a perfect someone, we tend to neglect the fact that nobody’s really perfect only the love that binds two souls.

It was too late already when my friend realized this. She lost a grip with her beau’s heart the moment he found out that she wasn’t faithful with him.

What could be more painful than knowing you lost gold because you were too busy collecting stones?

Love is as pure as gold itself. It’s only untainted intention which can enlighten one’s heart about this.

I’m not an expert in love nor in a relationship but I only know one thing, falling in love is like opening your heart to pain and disappointments. But, it’s better to be hurt knowing you gave everything in a relationship than to end up realizing you were the reason why a perfect love was ruined.

Love is a wonderful feeling. It’s like a beautiful song that embraces two souls and touches the deepest core of entwined hearts.

My friend ended up this time the one who’s miserable. I feel sad that her almost perfect relationship to a wonderful man was destroyed with shallow reasons like this.

After all, love is supposed to have endings like those in fairy tale stories- happily ever after.

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