When I was a kid, I was a great believer of magic. I believed too much that if you tell me things would vanish in thin air, I would be quivering in fear. I looked up to everything around me as MAGIC.
Until third grade, I would cross the bridge going to the house of my grandparents crawling. I was dreading the time that "magic" would appear and swallow my whole body. The bridge was not really so high. But then, when you were young, you think that everybody's too tall or everything's too deep.
I have no map that would steer me all the way. No "magic" to help my voyage easier. Nobody to point which path is right, but I won't put myself in a bitter strife, my journey continues...against all odds.
Magic also made my childhood easier. I fought my adversaries thinking that magic would do the fighting for me. I would imagine that because of magic, my opponents would go home inflicted with misery and I need not to commit sin by fighting them back.
Getting sick was also easier. My mind was already conditioned that "magic" would do the healing and I would not suffer for long. Family problems? Oh, I have given them up to "magic" for fixing, it made my life easier.
The lush meadows, the splendid blue skies, the marvel of the butterfly coming out from its cocoon, the multihued rainbow...they made my tiny heart ached for more wonders of the world. "Magic" imprinted in my soul the anticipation of my future where "bigger magic" dwells.
Many years later, my conviction was slowly tainted as I sailed through hard life. I was not really sure how it happened but I just woke up one day devoid of the "magic" feeling.
I guess that's the hardest part of growing up. All the innocence slowly ebbed away as tribulations hit me over and over again.
Life's hindrances shred me with the fervor to trust "magic". I no longer crossed the bridge with trepidation or look at an illness as ephemeral. Problems cast dark clouds making me gloomy the whole day. Foes created permanent hole in my heart.
Things around me suddenly lacked wonder and they were just simply part of everyday living. It was not what I envisioned it to be where splendor of magic was abundant.
Life is simply a puzzle I work out each day. Sad as it may be, there is no such thing as "magic".
Each day I face is simply a stepping stone of a continuous learning process. There is naught to fear in the journey ahead but deep down in my heart, a part continuously hope that I just remained a child forever.
However, returning could be done by memory alone. I could only track the road only once. If I see the end of path ahead, it doesn't mean that I could stop. It was just there to help me rest for a while. There is no "magic" that would help me to detour.
I have no map that would steer me all the way. No "magic" to help my voyage easier. Nobody to point which path is right, but I would not put myself in a bitter strife, my journey continues...against all odds.
Affiliate Link: Site author might earn commission if you click or make a purchase.
Filed under:
Inspirational Articles/ Daily BlogMore Articles:TravelThoughts/ Opinions
The house is filled with deafening sound. My head is throbbing with the long hours in front of computer editing and encoding for the book I'm currently writing. More so to bury myself in the world of nothingness while doing something worthwhile.
Just a few hours ago, I've been out to do some stuffs. It was a nice feeling to walk in colorful streets adorned with Christmas ornaments. My heart swell with Christmas spirit.
Christmas has that distinctive effect that makes your heart overflow with longing to things you have no power to control. It evokes wistful feeling that usually put you at the end feeling dismal.
Inside the prison of myself, I see a different me. Maybe it was the turbulent of emotions that flooded over my soul, but for whatever reason, I feel like I need respite again from this tumultuous stage.
Have I lost then, the ability to enjoy the nostalgia and homeliness of traditional Christmas?
I don't know. I could count again and again my blessings. I could make a long list of people who love me. But, there is that void in the quiet corner of my heart which a simple "Merry Christmas" can't mend.
My hope did not falter, don't get me wrong. But, sometimes life necessitate candor in order to unravel the seam of optimism and misfortune.
The tearful grimace of my dismal heart perseveres its slow pace. However, there is that bigger part where faith and gratitude reside.
In His right time, I could overpower this thing where I'll emerge victor.
I was so disheartened by the message about the death of a friend's mom. I could almost taste again the stab of pain when almost six years ago, I also lost my father.
Death is a hideous enemy. Nothing could fill the void in one's heart brought by the death of loved ones. Years after still feels like yesterday. More so when you knew that he/she suffered excruciating pain brought by illness like cancer.
The paradoxical complexities of life are hard to grasp at times. Conversely, it was barely six months ago when I too, was also diagnosed with the Big C. I vividly remember that moment when in desperation I just crossed my hands and wallowed in self-pity.
I was bereft with emotions especially when asked, "What else I haven't done yet?", then I found myself amidst churning emotions and then...nothing...just emptiness knowing that I have served my purpose already.
Consequently, some welcome death as relief from agony. The gust of wind that touched one's face was sort of an assertion that somewhere out there our loved ones continue to live in a different realm...
Death is neither a grief nor a celebration. Life begins in pain and accordingly it must also end the same way.
However, life's pain is evanescent. Each of us must have that moment where everything will be left behind. It's like a dance where at the final moment we knew the steps by heart lest we will be trounced by woe.
Then, we let ourselves be engulfed by the melody of music...
Filed under:
Inspirational Articles/ Daily BlogMore Articles:TravelThoughts/ Opinions
My sister woke me up from a deep slumber early today because of a phone call. It was a taxing thing to do every morning since the medicines I'm taking make me feel very sleepy. Usually, I would wake up 10 or 11 or else I would feel drowsy the whole day.
However, I opted to fight back sleepiness and answered the call. It's really nothing so I decided to go back dreaming. But the sleep became elusive so I sat down in front of the computer and check email.
Voila! The biggest surprise of the day!
Finally, I received an email answering my inquiry from the assistant director of writing center in one university in New York granting me permission to refer to their website for the book I am currently writing.
It was a humbling moment knowing there are people who are willing to help other people start their dream.
At the same time, that ember of tiny hope in my heart was ignited again into a giant flame of optimistic thinking.
Whilst some of my thoughts are not always happy moments, just the same they are thoughts that make me more appreciative of things like this.
The wind was howling as I woke up this morning. However, the bad weather did not dampen the sense of elation in my heart.
It's another day of taking medicines, feeling pang of pain and yet my heart is filled with apparent hope. Could it be because I've finished five pages yesterday for my book? Perhaps the playful bantering of words with my niece? Maybe it's the email full of encouragement from a friend?
For whatever reason, I woke up differently from the previous days. The tapestry of miseries has finally ended. For once, I could feel my heart has been lit up.
Life comprises trials and tribulations. What is important is we continue to live with hope in our heart.
See the stars at night? They will continue to light the tiny hope within me whenever I feel that the world is about to crumble. Life doesn't always have melancholic ending.
Footsteps stealthy on the stair,
Sweet-voiced carols in the air,
Stocking hanging in a row,
My heart believes there's a happy Christmas after all.
Filed under:
Inspirational Articles/ Daily BlogMore Articles:TravelThoughts/ Opinions
