Fighting a Dismal Heart

The house is filled with deafening sound. My head is throbbing with the long hours in front of computer editing and encoding for the book I'm currently writing. More so to burry myself in the world of nothingness while doing something worthwhile.

Just a few hours ago, I've been out to do some stuffs. It was a nice feeling to walk in colorful streets adorned with Christmas ornaments. My heart swell with Christmas spirit.

Christmas has that distinctive effect that makes your heart overflow with longing to things you have no power to control. It evokes wistful feeling that usually put you at the end feeling dismal.

Inside the prison of myself, I see a different me. Maybe it was the turbulent of emotions that flooded over my soul, but for whatever reason, I feel like I need respite again from this tumultuous stage.

Have I lost then, the ability to enjoy the nostalgia and homeliness of traditional Christmas?

I don't know. I could count again and again my blessings. I could make a long list of people who love me. But, there is that void in the quiet corner of my heart which a simple "Merry Christmas" can't mend. 

My hope did not falter, don't get me wrong. But, sometimes life necessitate candor in order to unravel the seam of optimism and misfortune.

The tearful grimace of my dismal heart perseveres its slow pace. However, there is that bigger part where faith and gratitude reside.

In His right time, I could overpower this thing where I'll emerge victor.

-->

-->