Today, I Failed

“The Phoenix must burn to emerge.” 

– Janet Fitch

The news was disheartening and perhaps, inevitable. Somehow, I had that notion of failure even before it came crashing on me. I worked so hard. Countless hours, in fact. Day and night, I worked laboriously unmindful of rewards. All that I wanted was to get a glimpse of success. Yet, none of it matters anymore. I failed.

The news however, only created that fire burning inside me to work even harder convincing myself that failure is not an indication of permanence. If my way did not work, that means I need to find another one that would work. Life is a series of disappointments, pains and hindrances. But, life is also a string of hope and success.

A friend once told me that once we hit rock bottom, there is no way but up. When I first heard the news, I felt worthless leveraging my skills that amounted to nothing. It was gut-sinking and terrifying but I had no choice but to face the truth- starting from nothing.

In hindsight, failure catapulted me into realization that the world is not so rosy but I can parlay the pain info future gains. Instead of sulking and trying to lick my wounds, I need to work even harder to maximize the probability of success. I failed but it does not mean the end. Failure in essence just made me internalize from the deepest recesses of my soul to examine the raw pain and find ways not to get on downward spiral which could harm myself more.

I failed. I understand that I am in pain. I acknowledge my vulnerability. But, I take the challenge to succeed by failing.

I got this.

“When you take risks, you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.” 

–Ellen DeGeneres- 

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The Eyes that See the Best of Everything

The world is often dark. The reality is accentuated with the fact that more often than not, you are bombarded in social media with cruel, merciless, and nonsense posts. I do wonder, what is there to hope for?

The feeling of isolation is more potent than ever. Despite of what the technology has done to connect people around the globe, we still live in a really lonely world. We become more concerned of being ‘RIGHT’ than being ‘HEARD’. We desire for instant gratification by ‘likes’ and ‘comments’ on our posts than finding genuine happiness. We become judgmental without hearing facts because of how easy it is to do that instead of engaging in intelligent discourse. The world needs less anger, resentment, and negativity. We need the eyes that see the best of everything.

With all these less than optimal feelings, I take comfort with what Martin Luther says, “Everything that is done in the world is done by hope.” Sometimes we need to walk through the dark in order to see the light. It may be cloudy now but there’s a silver lining along the way.

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The Best of 2018

Just like that, 365 days of 2018 is over. The journey was both internal and external, finding the validation that life is indeed embarking in the unknown. Despite of my infallibility, I survived the challenges and the stark contrast of what I got so used to for many years- finding myself invariably failing over and over again. There were many moments that I questioned my worth and my confidence. Yet, my traverse is not defined solely by these deterrents. The trails of disappointments were long but the positivity is longer. Hence, let me reminisce the best memories to cap the year 2018.

1. Celebrated the Valentine’s Day at Grand Rapids

This trip allowed me to learn more about United States by visiting Gerald Ford Museum. The night stroll with my husband made it more memorable.

2. 3rd Anniversary Celebration at Chicago

We explored so many places together but we love the Adler Planetarium and the
Millennium Park.

3. Travel to New York

The sight of the Liberty State Park was so surreal. I could not believe that I finally saw it in person.

4. Met a Very Special Friend at Philadelphia

The highlight of my year. I have not seen her for almost seven years. Ours is an attestation that friendship will always be a special bond of two people who cared deeply about each other.

5. Birthday Celebration at Niagara Falls (Canada Side)

We were exhausted after several days of being on the road but the experience was amazing. Niagara Falls is beautiful beyond explanation!

6. River Tubing Adventure at Ludington State Park

What made this adventure special was not the tubing itself but swimming in the Big Lake with the waves higher than us. It was scary but at the same time an exciting experience.

7. Travel to the Most Beautiful Place in United States (Sleeping Bear Dunes)

I found the inner peace on this place. The place was nothing that I have seen in person. It was majestic and filled me with tranquility.

8. Fall Camping at Ludington State Park

The colors were beautiful and the company was special. We love the friendship and relationship made deeper by this trip. It was also my first time to stay in a camper!

9. Celebrated New Year with My Husband

New Year with my husband. He is the best gift that I could ever receive.

Cliché as it may seem, life is a journey. What happens along the way, the pains and disappointments, the gift of faith and hope, the crooked lines, the rocks and the mountains that blind you, they shape you and at the end and you will never be the same.

Cheers to the new year, fresh hope, more roads to traverse, and stronger FAITH. 

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Ten Reasons Why I love My Husband (A Birthday Post)

It's my husband's birthday so I made this book containing the ten reasons why I love him. There are more than ten of course but this list is a good start to elucidate why I love him so much.

Thank you so much Alex for helping me get this wallet.

This year's presents for Beb.

Ten is a good start of the countless reasons why I fall in love with you over and over again.

I love you just because YOU are YOU but these reasons make me love you more.

With or without occasion, you always make sure to get something for me. You put my happiness over and above anything else.

I am not an easy person to deal with when I am sick but you never failed to amaze me how much you care for me in everything you do.

I lost count of the times you helped someone at the store because they didn't have enough money to pay for their stuff, or the time you stopped during winter to buy food for a homeless man, or the times we stopped at the side of the road to help someone whose car broke down.

I will be lost without you, Beb.

Without question, you are there by my side, in good times and bad times.

I don't need to put on a ton of makeup because I can be myself when I am with you.

I love how we laugh about EVERYTHING.

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Organize and Declutter (Day 6 of Thirty-Day Challenge for a More Meaningful Life)

Day 6. Organize and Declutter. Let go of something in your closet.

I read somewhere that attachment to material things create a void inside you. Letting go of a thing or two from your closet is the start of escaping the prison of materialism.

Good order is the foundation of all things. –Edmund Burke-

A visit to my walk-in closet and dressers made me realized that I have tons of clothes that I don’t wear anymore. As I organized, I made a decision of which clothes to let go. After hours of folding and arranging, twelve drawers, two ottoman storage, and a walk-in closet are more orderly. Simple actions that made me feel more productive and efficient.

Reflection: "Good order is the foundation of all things." –Edmund Burke-


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Start your Day with a Prayer (Day 5 of Thirty-Day Challenge for a More Meaningful Life)

The power of prayer is undeniable.

In the busy world we live in, a meaningful life is as elusive as ever. Imagining a life which has vitality, substance and contentment is getting harder because of the overwhelming materialism that surround us. Sometimes, a gentle reminder to start your day with a prayer is all that you need to start a meaningful day.

I lost count of the times that God made a difference in our life because of prayers.

Day 5. Start your Day with a Prayer 

When I was teaching in Indonesia, I used to start my day reading a Bible with my husband who was here in the United States. Prayer continuously plays a vital role in our relationship but life could be overwhelming sometimes that we only get to do it before going to sleep or before eating dinner.

A prayer before starting that day is a humble way of asking God to show me which way He wants me to go. It is also a beautiful reminder that I am as fallible as ever and only God can complete me. If and when I fall on this day, I know that the prayer I uttered for the day is enough to strengthen my resolve to stand and live the day as a child of God.

“Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayers is in the one who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.”

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Be One with Nature (Day 4 of Thirty- Day Challenge for a More Meaningful Life)

Being one with nature is beneficial both on your body and mind.

A day in a life could just come and go and doing this challenge is starting to have a huge impact on my perspectives in life. Just on the fourth day and I am already realizing that there are effectual ways to break the monotony of life.

Day 4. Be One with Nature
Today, I challenged myself to be one with nature. Thankfully, we are currently on vacation so it is a lot easier to put in reality. Our day started early with a visit to the Sleeping Bear Dunes Scenic Drive. It has about 12 stop over that allowed us to bask on different views. Being one with nature allowed me to smell the trees and reminded me of my mortality.

One of the stop-over at the Scenic Drive.

We went hiking, stopped to save a turtle along the road, savoured the beauty of Lake Michigan, and walked in the cleanest water I have ever seen. I also experienced just laying down on the sand while enjoying the amazing view of Lake Michigan at Sleeping Bear Dunes Pyramid Point. I was sore all over from hiking and endless walking but it was so much fun.

A plethora of studies show that being in nature allows us to release anger, anxiety and stress. It also offers the most positive boost to provide healing for both body and mind.

Hans Christian Andersen said it perfectly, “Just living is not enough…one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.”

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Seize the Day (Day 3 of Thirty-Day Challenge for a More Meaningful Life)

It’s the third day of my thirty-day challenge for a more meaningful life. This day couldn’t be more perfect for what’s on my list- carpe diem.

The expression carpe diem was first uttered by Horace and rooted back from the oldest philosophical motto of Western history. The message resonates different meaning from various perspectives but mostly it signifies a day free from worries and simply savoring the beauty of the day.

At first glance, the tree looks like cherry, but, it isn't.

I feel so blessed to have this perfect opportunity to put this list in reality. Worrying does not change a thing and the pace of life is accelerating whatever we do. So, off we went on our travel for a short vacation. No rush, no worries. We even took the time to check on some cool trees and views along the way. The usual stress that travels bring was noticeably absent. And just like that, we were in a paradise.

Wearing matching shirts made the day more special.

The mere sight and sound of the rushing falling water was heaven. The sound was loud but it gives you this very peaceful and calm feeling.

This is probably the most peaceful town I have ever been.

The beautiful Falling Waters Lodge.

Truly, we could learn from Marcus Aurelius, “When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love…”

Day 1: Write a letter for someone who hurt you the most.
Day 2: Show a random act of kindness.

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Show a Random Act of Kindness

On the first day of the month, I started a challenge to do something each day that would pave a way for a more meaningful life. Cliché as it may sound, life is short and there’s nothing more meaningful but allowing experiences and actions to transcend positive energy in the core of our being.

Day 2. Show a random act of kindness.

Kindness is free yet it is something that we oftentimes fail to do. It is wrapped with hope and allow others to continue trusting that life’s condition will change for the better. There is nothing more gratifying than seeing others benefit from a sincere act of kindness.

This was inspired by a random act of kindness shown to me one day at the church. I have always struggled being an introvert so I am so grateful when people are kind enough to initiate conversation with me.

It was just an ordinary Sunday, I was seated while waiting for the service to start when an old lady approached me and gave me a hug. She told me that she’s been wanting to meet me. She’s been to Asia before so she was so excited while telling me about her experiences. The warmth of her gentleness touched me so deeply that it just affirmed my belief that the church is indeed the best place to be during Sundays.

There are many ways of showing kindness but for many people, it’s still a battle. I believe that we need to be cognizant of the fact that everybody has different struggles and we have the responsibility to spread kindness by any act that would bring positivity to the world.

Henry James said, “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”

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Thirty-Day Challenge for a More Meaningful Life (Day 1: Forgive Someone)

It is easy to get lost in a shuffle. Wake up-work-sleep-repeat the pattern type of thing and miss the basic truth that one day, we are all going to die. Chances are, we are too busy living our life that we are neglecting the groundbreaking message of what we are here for.

The bigger picture of having a consequential journey is sometimes inconceivable to fathom. Since it is the first day of September, I will start with a thirty-day challenge of living a more meaningful life imbued with commitment, meaning, serenity and contentment.

Day 1. Write a letter of forgiveness to the person who hurt you the most.

A known author once said that forgiving is hard because human consciousness has a hard time living at the present. The episodic memories bring us back and forth to the past and present reminding us of the pain that the experience left us. Hence, finding forgiveness in our heart will definitely not be easy.

I am starting at the most difficult challenge because it would be easier to remind myself in the coming days that if I was able to forgive the person who hurt me the most, then everything else is possible.

Bottling the pain inside is not beneficial to us. Sooner or later, it will coat our heart with bitterness and cynicism that’ll affect us to live a healthier life. Forgiving also means releasing us from the pessimism that incarcerate our ability to make humble decisions.

It is more burdensome to carry the weight of resentment to the person who caused us misery. By choosing to forgive, we also choose to heal and to free ourselves from negativities and toxicity associated with pain.

Martin Luther King, Jr. explicated it beautifully, “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”


Today, I choose to forgive and it feels good.

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How We Survived a Long Distance Relationship

Long distance relationship is not for a faint heart. Humans are wired for instant gratification and the thought of not seeing or not being able to talk to the person you love is a difficult struggle to bear.

During our simple wedding at Jakarta.

Skype or Facebook messenger may not totally diminish the pain of separation but you can use it to build a strong foundation for your relationship. After all, it is known that people in long distance relationship have deeper and more meaningful communications. David and I were separated thousands of miles before finally seeing each other in person and more years of separation after getting married and processing our papers. It was through video calls and messages that we were able to work on establishing a stronger relationship.

Don’t doubt your love. Second-guessing decisions will weaken both of your will. What kills long distance relationship is the constant underlying ambiguity or irrational expectations. David and I had the same vision since we first talked. We knew that our goal for the future is to grow old together. This helped us surpassed all the struggles that we faced.

Don’t listen to skepticism. You have no responsibility to explain your choices in life and that includes your relationship. It is complicated enough for two people in love. People who surround you are merely spectators wishing for you to succeed or hoping for you to fail. When I married my husband, so many people expressed their doubts and indignation. But, marrying my best friend is the best thing that I have ever done. Cliche as it may sound, listen to what your heart says.

Live in love and hope. A long distance relationship without hope will not live. Eventually, the excitement will die. I remember that from the first day we started talking until the last day we were separated, the level of excitement whenever we talked was the same. I would wake up 4:00 a.m. to be able to talk to him before work and he would do the same thing. Thousands of messages, hundreds of phone calls, and endless conversations kept our relationship strong.

Communicate from your Heart. Be open about your feelings. Spoken words are important since it’s hard to read body signals if you are thousand miles from each other. Explain your fears, insecurities, and reasons for jealousy. Love thrives in honesty.

There is no secret formula to make sure that long distance relationship works. However, my husband and I can assure you that all the tears, all the pains, and all the difficulties are definitely worth it. The day I came here to the United States to be reunited with him is the best thing that ever happened to me. His tight hug and tears of happiness affirmed a deep commitment to our future and to a love which is to infinity and beyond.

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Filipino Immigrant's Life in the U.S.

I love the trails here! 

Some days, I try to picture my life back in the Philippines and Indonesia. My day was usually filled with worries on teaching, winning in different contests, and meeting deadlines of school publications. However, life has taken a complete turn around when I moved here in the US.

I had doubts when I left the stability of the past. Financially, I was secured. Professionally, there were many opportunities. It was the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone I love that pacified all those uncertainties. The beginning of compunction is the birth of a new life and strange as it may sound, sometimes you need to travel far and wide to realize what your heart is missing.

I didn't really have any idea of the level of toxicity of my life until I came here and experienced some things that I used to disregard. Life in the U.S. has taught me the greatest joy of simplicity. I find more enjoyment walking on the white sand than shopping at the malls. Though I still own the latest gadgets, I find more happiness in spending time with my husband going on a walk. I find more serenity living in the city and having the pleasure of watching different animals right at the comfort of our home.

I had doubts when I left the stability of the past. Financially, I was secured. Professionally, there were many opportunities. It was the thought of spending the rest of my life with someone I love that pacified all those uncertainties.

Life in the U.S. is not perfect and I have my own shares of struggles and difficulties. We may not live an extravagant life but every meal is a reminder that it is worth a one-month meal of a child back home.

Some decisions may define your future while others are meant to change your life. Though I miss the people and the place where I used to live, I won’t lie that I found the meaning of my being when I chose to move here with my husband.

Life in the U.S. helped me to plant my feet firmly on the ground and cultivate a simple heart. Since I get to spend more time outdoors, it also helped me to live a life rooted from within.

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Solid Reasons Why You Should not Give Up

“Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?”
― Haruki Murakami

Life is ever evolving; change is the only thing constant. When circumstances give you thousands of reasons to doubt your abilities and forget your dreams, DON’T GIVE UP.

The vision of the future might be blurry as you face huge obstacles, keep on trying and pushing. You may not have all the answers to your questions but one day you will.

You may dread waking up and facing another difficult day but DON'T GIVE UP. Longfellow said, “Every person has a secret sorrow that the world knows not”. It can’t always be a rainy day; one day the sun will shine.

If you see nothing but failures and you are overwhelmed with your ability to succeed, DON'T GIVE UP. Think of the lesson of time- to everything there is a season; and a time to every purpose under heaven.

If you are drowning in sorrow, DON’T GIVE UP. Time and pain are relative. By allowing your soul to linger on the pain, you are inadvertently growing the wounds inside you. There is a ray of hope if you will start swimming on the surface.

If your will is weakened by discouragement from others, DON’T GIVE UP. Ignore your naysayers and draw strength from within. It is only through deep introspection that you would realize, life is worth fighting for. Unless you are dead, there is no justifiable reason for you not to fight back.

Don’t drown in the sea of nonsensical thoughts. You are needed. You are wanted. Your life has a purpose.

The instinct to fight is within you.

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How Death Teaches Us to Live Fully

Too many deaths in the recent days reminded me that no one is promised a tomorrow. Their stories though painful reminded me of essential lessons in life.

The first lesson was from a young boy I didn’t know personally but whose death made me shed buckets of tears. I witnessed his battle and journey of bravery through his Facebook page which was regularly updated by his mom. Through him, I learned that death is a celebration of life- a well-lived life. It was hard to imagine the life of a young boy who fought cancer since three years old only to lose it at the end. However, through his positivity, he was able to transcend his pain and inspire others.

There are days when we wake up that our hearts are anxious about how the day would go not fully realizing it might be the last day of our life. How do we really live fully?

The second lesson was from the tragic death of a family of five. Five souls perished in a split second while they were on the way home from a vacation. The father and four daughters died instantly in a car crash leaving the mother as the only survivor. The heartbreaking story reminded me that every second of life is of infinite value. Living life to the fullest is tough because it is scary to make mistakes. However, these can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. The fragility of life, the fact that it could be taken in a split second, reminded me to live life fully.

The last lesson hit me the hardest because it came too close- the death of our loving neighbor who showed me nothing but kindness. Though we were told of the looming news several months ago, the truth was nothing that could prepare you for it The world seemed to stand still when I read about her passing. She was a beautiful person in and out that will be surely missed.

The question about death has motivated the most arduous efforts of philosophers. But, the reality of death lays plainly with the bleakness of the grave. Death is ultimately inevitable. As Hemingway said, “Every man’s life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”

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Qualities that Make a Great Teacher

One truth about children that resonates with me was explicated by Rousseau: Children are neither good nor evil. They can be either. It’s how they are brought up that determines that. Therefore, parents and teachers play a crucial role on the lives of children. While teachers are given years of education to do just that, the task of shaping the lives of young, impressionable children can be daunting at times.

The qualities that make a great teacher are not easy to inculcate or duplicate, but understanding these qualities can set a distinct standard of excellence to strive for.

ACCEPTING. Create an environment of love by accepting any kind of learners.

BUBBLY. Teaching is a high-energy job that requires constant interaction with different students and an upbeat, bubbly personality is a must.

CONSIDERATE. Students need to feel that they are equally valued and their ideas, beliefs and tenets are respected.

DEEP THINKER. To gain understanding of the children’s complex development, a deeper insight is needed.

EFFECTIVE. Studies revealed that students who were placed with highly effective teachers significantly outperformed comparable students on various assessments.

FAIR. Our society is founded on the idea of justice and equality and teachers play a vital role in instilling this.

GENUINE. A child can see through a looking glass and he/she can can feel if you genuinely care about her/ him.

HONEST. Teaching honesty helps develop character and self-esteem.

INTERESTING. Children can be truly engaged if teachers present lessons in a thought-provoking manner.

JOYFUL. Learning is futile if the experience of “doing school” destroys children’s spirit to learn. Boredom is a disease of epidemic proportion.

KIND. Too often, we underestimate the power of kindness. A kind teacher helps students feel cared for and loved.

LIGHTHEARTED. Teachers have the power to create lighthearted fun out of serious learning.

MOTHERLY. An explicit mothering role to students can bring an inexplicable amount of positive change.

NATURAL. Be natural. If your heart is in teaching, it will naturally show.

OPTIMISTIC. When students are facing hurdles, the teacher can influence them to be more optimistic in attaining their goals.

PASSIONATE. Passionate teachers believe in the importance of their job and their role to promote student’s intellectual and moral development.

QUINTESSENTIAL. Teachers find gratification that their job is worthy of sacrifice.

REFLECTIVE. The ability to reflect and draw decisions on thoughtful analysis is an integral part of being a teacher.

SINCERE. It runs through the core of your soul and reflects to the way you deal with all kinds of learners.

THOUGHTFUL. A thoughtful teacher carefully plans to foster learning.

UPRIGHT. The role of a teacher in a society is undeniable and being an upright teacher means displaying good character worthy of emulation.

VIRTUOUS. The old mantra holds true: virtue is first “caught” and then “taught”.

WILLING. Be willing to explore new teaching ideas and strategies.

YOUTHFUL. Teacher’s enthusiasm is infectious. Be youthful. Be alive.

ZEALOUS. A zealous teacher can make a world of passionate and energetic young learners.

Most importantly, teach LIFE.

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