My love,
There's only you in my life
The only thing that's right
My first love,
You're every breath that I take
You're every step I make.
The paper doll I was holding got frozen in the air. I lost
myself to the melody of the song. I was eight years old. Still young to fall in
love but old enough to understand the meaning of the song. I knew that it was a
promise. A promise of infinite love.
Some of my sisters were in relationship that time so I could
comprehend already the meaning of love. It was crazy but I made this childhood
vow that if ever I fall in love, it would be to a man whom I'll spend my
lifetime.
I won't waste investing time and love just for the sake of
having a boyfriend. There would only be one and that one will mean
"forever".
Years later, when we were about to finish 6th grade, slum
book became popular. That's a notebook where we got to answer some questions
that will serve as souvenir to our friends.
There was this question about "ideal man". While
most of my friends wrote "tall, dark and handsome", I on the other
hand answered, "intelligent". Funny but true. I was still that young
but I knew I won't be attracted to a man with looks alone.
Whenever I would hear the song, Endless
Love, I was being reminded of that one afternoon about 20 years ago.
My life was still with paper dolls but I was sure about where my love life was
heading.
Then I reached high school, college and until such time I was
working already. The promise I made didn't change. My sister, ______, acquired
quite a long list of boyfriends but I remained "zero" with my love
life. (I need to make her anonymous or else there would be a World War III.
It's a good thing I have eight sisters).
It wasn't easy but then I'm always confronted with the
question, "Do you plan to spend the rest of your life with him?", I
knew the answer immediately. Thus, I remained unattached for many years.
Investing time and emotions were not simply worth it. I want some sense in a
relationship not only mere attraction.
Many years later, as my "ideal age" written in the
slum book was about to end, I've lost hope to meet the "right one".
After all, whenever I would start talking to male species they just simply find
me too boring (or intimidating?).
They would stare to the ceiling or just simply try to steer
the conversation into crazy things such as my favorite color or actress. They
would nibble on their finger nails and pray incessantly for the sky to fall
down...ending? even the friendship didn't work out.
Thank God I've acquired a lot of female friends so their
boyfriends and husbands became my instant friends also. That way, I was not
completely alienated to the male world.
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