That young girl seated on the windowsill many years ago created a dreamer in me. As I struggled for words to encapsulate my grieving heart, I was lost in trance dreaming of the world of words. A place that would bring me with endless choice of words.
Many years after, I remained a dreamer. Though I no longer struggled for words, the brokenness lingered. However, the bottled up emotions are poured into the world of words. The gift that I will always treasure. It did not mend my wounded little heart, but it did help me to express what pained me lest I will be asphyxiated by grief. It became my pillow of comfort as I continued to dream of a better world.
Change. The only word that remains constant in this revolution of transformation. The only word which helped me accept things as they are. Strange as it may seem, things are basically the same. But, now, I am more into cherishing good memories than wallowing into pity with bitter experiences. I feel like after being a dreamer, I am now a bucket being filled generously with memories.
My experiences as a teacher remind me everyday that I can’t remain a dreamer forever. The world is a lovely place filled with memories. They are beautifully woven together and they are right on my place of work- school.
Thus, as I journey thru life, my bucket of memories will no longer be confined in dreams but in memories that will be brought into reality through the power of words and by INSPIRATION.
A quick survey of the backyard showed unbelievable mess brought by last night's welcoming of year 2012. Scattered all over was debris of different firecrackers.
Now, it made me think… how many bothered to clean their clutters?
The past year has brought me some mess which I had difficulty cleaning. There were some mistakes which almost destroyed me but luckily by simply facing them, they were cleared out of my way. I did not escape.
There’s something odd with the way people mess things up then just simply leave them scattered encumbering the way of others. I hate to pontificate but then that is human nature I think. We mess things up expecting others to pick up the rubbishes for us.
Year 2012 is bringing a lot of promises. Some possibilities are up to my personal and professional life. But, I am sure that no matter how much I try to make everything perfect, I would not avoid clattering some mess. It is part of life and it would be up to me how to pick up the pieces and fix them again. I just hope that as I mess some things in my life, I would be strong enough to clean them up.
1:07 a.m. I know I should be deep in slumber. But, I don’t know what I find so appealing on the ceiling that sleep seems to be so elusive. The bed is luring me to the dreamy wonderland but somehow, my mind is entangled onto the charm of the unwritten words blinking invariably on the computer screen.
The tic-tac sound of the clock worsened that feeling of trying to grasp for something unknown even to myself. I need to remind myself repeatedly. It is still 2011. The time has changed but not yet the year…not for long though.
1:10 a.m. Time is stealing something from me. Memories are slowly fading. Another year is about to end. Try as I might, I am powerless to stop it.
Time is perhaps the most powerful crest that could turn so many things in just one blink of an eye.
I remember December 31, 2010. Same time. Same Place. I remember the time but not the memories. My brain has failed me this time. You see, another reminder how my brain could be so fragile with the threat of time. But, I think I am filled with enough memories of 2011, the year we will bid goodbye.
1:15 a.m. This year has been one of the most blessed years for me. My health has been in excellent condition and saved for the times I had colds and fever, nothing worst happened.
Perhaps, this has been the year also when I had finally reaped the successes of my hard work and perseverance in many aspects. I got 1.0 in almost all my subjects for my Masters and landed 2nd in Comprehensive Examination.
One of the sweetest memories of this year was the déjà vu feeling I had when I was called as first place winner in Regional Online Writing Contest for School Paper Adviser. I was reminded of the time I won as first place school paper adviser of Region V. Same honor, different place. From Region V to Region IV-A. I went there to coach but ended up competing and winning. God is indeed so good.
To top all my accomplishments in my Master’s Degree and as school paper adviser, the best perhaps was the feeling that embraced me having finally felt that I belong to the community where I now live and work.
For many years, I have struggled to cope up with the differences in culture of the school and where I came from. Call it paranoia, but many times, I had that feeling my actions and words were misinterpreted. My way of speaking was judged without having thoughts of where I came from or the native language I have spoken for many years. This year, however, is different.
I finally had that laugh which bubbles from within and my hard works were finally recognized. Most importantly, from my heart I’ve felt that love you would only feel in a family. I have finally felt the connection too powerful to ignore. I have found brothers and sisters in the form of very good friends.
It’s 1:35 a.m. I am reminded again that year 2011 is slowly fading. But, I know, this year will always be a reminder of how fragile time is…so we need to be careful how we use them.
Bidding goodbye to a fruitful year is not that bad actually. I have so many things to look forward to this coming year. With God’s help, I would be able to receive my diploma for my Master’s Degree this coming March. After that, best plans are all laid out. I only need to wait for the right time. Yes, there’s gem in the lost memories.