A quick survey of the backyard showed unbelievable mess brought by last night's welcoming of year 2012. Scattered all over was debris of different firecrackers.
Now, it made me think… how many bothered to clean their clutters?
The past year has brought me some mess which I had difficulty cleaning. There were some mistakes which almost destroyed me but luckily by simply facing them, they were cleared out of my way. I did not escape.
There’s something odd with the way people mess things up then just simply leave them scattered encumbering the way of others. I hate to pontificate but then that is human nature I think. We mess things up expecting others to pick up the rubbishes for us.
Year 2012 is bringing a lot of promises. Some possibilities are up to my personal and professional life. But, I am sure that no matter how much I try to make everything perfect, I would not avoid clattering some mess. It is part of life and it would be up to me how to pick up the pieces and fix them again. I just hope that as I mess some things in my life, I would be strong enough to clean them up.
1:07 a.m.
I know I should be deep in slumber. But, I don’t know what I find so appealing on the ceiling that sleep seems to be so elusive. The bed is luring me to the dreamy wonderland but somehow, my mind is entangled onto the charm of the unwritten words blinking invariably on the computer screen.
The tic-tac sound of the clock worsened that feeling of trying to grasp for something unknown even to myself. I need to remind myself repeatedly. It is still 2011. The time has changed but not yet the year…not for long though.
1:10 a.m.
Time is stealing something from me. Memories are slowly fading. Another year is about to end. Try as I might, I am powerless to stop it.
Time is perhaps the most powerful crest that could turn so many things in just one blink of an eye.
I remember December 31, 2010. Same time. Same Place. I remember the time but not the memories. My brain has failed me this time. You see, another reminder how my brain could be so fragile with the threat of time. But, I think I am filled with enough memories of 2011, the year we will bid goodbye.
1:15 a.m.
This year has been one of the most blessed years for me. My health has been in excellent condition and saved for the times I had colds and fever, nothing worst happened.
Perhaps, this has been the year also when I had finally reaped the successes of my hard work and perseverance in many aspects. I got 1.0 in almost all my subjects for my Masters and landed 2nd in Comprehensive Examination.
One of the sweetest memories of this year was the déjà vu feeling I had when I was called as first place winner in Regional Online Writing Contest for School Paper Adviser. I was reminded of the time I won as first place school paper adviser of Region V. Same honor, different place. From Region V to Region IV-A. I went there to coach but ended up competing and winning. God is indeed so good.
To top all my accomplishments in my Master’s Degree and as school paper adviser, the best perhaps was the feeling that embraced me having finally felt that I belong to the community where I now live and work.
For many years, I have struggled to cope up with the differences in culture of the school and where I came from. Call it paranoia, but many times, I had that feeling my actions and words were misinterpreted. My way of speaking was judged without having thoughts of where I came from or the native language I have spoken for many years. This year, however, is different.
I finally had that laugh which bubbles from within and my hard works were finally recognized. Most importantly, from my heart I’ve felt that love you would only feel in a family. I have finally felt the connection too powerful to ignore. I have found brothers and sisters in the form of very good friends.
It’s 1:35 a.m. I am reminded again that year 2011 is slowly fading. But, I know, this year will always be a reminder of how fragile time is…so we need to be careful how we use them.
Bidding goodbye to a fruitful year is not that bad actually. I have so many things to look forward to this coming year. With God’s help, I would be able to receive my diploma for my Master’s Degree this coming March. After that, best plans are all laid out. I only need to wait for the right time. Yes, there’s gem in the lost memories.
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It’s been eons ago since I last posted an entry here. Sometimes, that yearning to write consumes my whole being and yet I feel helpless on how to express myself.
What then awakens my soul to play with words again? A lovely music perhaps. Maybe the sadness of the night. Or it could be just the invitation with the rite of words moving seamlessly with craving hands. For whatever reasons, I’m back again blogging my heart’s out.
With the awakening of my writer’s soul, I feel like I’m invading a raw pain of uncertainties. There are just so many questions hovering yet seeking for answers would just mean summoning unfounded fears. So many swirling thoughts that I can’t seem to get hold of. So many uncertainties. So many buts and ifs.
The peculiarity of this is I can’t even gauge what truly bothers me. My soul is troubled and I’m trapped. Awakening indeed…of a sad soul dancing to a blue music.
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Philippine politics caught my attention at a tender age of six. That was the height of People Power 1. I guess, the interest of my father in politics lured me into what is being considered as the “dirtiest world”. Little did I know how much influence my father left me as I traversed into maturity.
From that young age of six my ventures continued during Edsa 2. I remember patiently watching the first Impeachment Trial against the Philippine president. My heart was full with passion to be involved in what was known as the greatest moment of history. I watched with hatred the Senators who voted not to open the envelope which they say would reveal the truth about Estrada. I knew then, that moment was very different with what I’ve felt during People Power 1. It was more painful because I could already understand what was going on. Yet, it was very significant too because I could already make decisions which would make me part of history.
Yes, I was there as one of those who went to streets when the truth was stalled to be revealed. I was there shouting for justice. I spent nights without sleep just to be one of the youths who were seeking for truth. I was part of that leaf of history.
It gave me appalling pain when finally, the real person who changed the government was unmasked. The current president has proven that intelligence is not enough to give an honest service to the people who put her on power. I remember reading with awe her qualifications against the ousted president, Erap Estrada featured in Time Magazine, “He’s Out, She’s In”. It was indeed remarkable that finally a well-educated intelligent woman will take precedence to our country.
My venture as an educator brought me immeasurable disappointments when all my expectations were crushed. Promises were forgotten and the “dirtiest world” was smeared with even “dirtiest secrets”. Being a six-year-old and a teen-ager is so much different with being an adult educator. Like the president of the Philippines, a teacher’s influence cannot be measured. Much to my dismay, I cannot utter words of displeasure lest I’ll be accused of politicking which may affect my credibility as a teacher.
Moments of displeasure brought me to what I am now. I don’t keep is as a secret I support Noynoy Aquino for president. What brought me into this decision of voicing my opinion is quite hard to fathom. I just woke up one day feeling the need to be part again of this leaf of history of our nation. I realized that I now have students who will be first time voters and I feel the responsibility to help them in contemplation of the right choice.
I don’t like to claim I have the right choice. However, I can claim with clear conscience that the one I have chosen was based on careful analysis and weighing of documents I gathered from the internet and other media. Yes, like you I was also lured with Villar’s TV ads, not to count the internet ads where he pops out ANY site that you open. I guess, he just wanted to get the worth of what he paid for which is more than 1 billion already. Note: A president will only get around 6 million during his whole term.
I respect people who say they want Villar for president, but please don’t be blind enough to look at 900 documents proving he’s guilty with the C-5 road controversy. HE NEVER DEFENDED HIMSELF MUCH MORE EXPLAINED THE EXISTENCE OF THESE DOCUMENTS. On top of that, the lie about his family’s poverty that led to the death of his brother is so big to ignore. Again, this was proven beyond reasonable doubt with legal documents about land titles and death certificate. Nobody can refute the truth of this.
Now, the attack on Aquino because of his physical appearance is a confirmation that Villar is a loser. After all, once you assail the personal aspect of a person that defines who you are. A man who cannot fight FAIRLY. Barely a month before election, after spending billions of pesos, he never made it on top of the survey. No wonder, his attack becomes so personal out of desperation.
The question on the coming election has long surpassed “whom I think deserves to be the president among”. It came to a point that the battle is just between Aquino and Villar. The contemplation therefore of who should occupy the highest position of the country must focus on the two. Each vote counts. If you know that you reach the end of the tunnel, there are only two choices left. Go to the light or embrace again the darkness. Yours is the power to decide.
